They should not have to choose between one and the other
Something I would like to comment on before moving on to the birth is the lack of tests in early pregnancy. We were horribly surprised to find out that as a young woman I did not have the choice to perform tests to know if my baby had any kind of health complications or syndromes. We payed for a private jordmor that just told us “everything looked fine but she was not allowed to give any medical information”. We ended up traveling to Spain to get tested, which was really stressful.
I had a very uncomplicated pregnancy and I was hoping for the same outcome at birth, but I ended up spending two days at the hospital with horribly painful lower back contractions before I got an emergency section.
I came to Kalnes hospital the night of the 21st of May, 2019. I spent that first day preparing for birth, I had not dilated much and my water had not broken, but the contractions were too painful to send me home. I got morphine twice during that day, and acupuncture at night. It sure helped with the pain (for a short period of time), but I was still not dilating. I remember crying in the shower next morning from the pain I still felt in my back, more than 24h after the contractions had started. The second day I tried to get in the bath as preparation for birth, as it was my original intention to give birth in the water. It was a horrible experience due to the location of the pain, so I decided to get out after the first contraction. After that it is all kind of a blur. Staff kept coming and going, shifts ended, new people came in. The jordmor that spent the day with me got me the gas mask, made me shift positions to help with the position of the baby, gave me oxytocin, but I was still less than 5 cm dilated. I asked for the epidural and it took a lifetime to get it (since they called the anesthetist until he actually came). At around 21 or 22 pm, the jordmor's shift ended, and she told me that the next one would help me push, and that I had done a wonderful job (she was very sweet).
The new jordmor came in, checked me and called in a doctor to assess the situation, that was the first time anyone mentioned the word 'keisersnitt' to me. I went from getting ready to push to being told I had to rush to get an emergency section in less than an hour. By then I was still around 5cm, after 48h of constant pain and contractions. I was beyond exhausted and I had received the epidural around two hours ago, but I still had to stand up and walk to the stretcher (I remember barely being able to set my feet on the floor). They took me to the operation room, and people started rushing in. They then asked me about my height, weight and other medical data that they should've been able to read at my medical record. I felt very unaware of what was happening, due to physical exhaustion + drugs, so it was my husband answering on my behalf. The worst part was when they started cutting up and I felt it on my skin, I told them to stop, as the anesthesia had not worked well. They kicked my husband out of the room without further explanations and a nurse stood by the door to block it. He was extremely worried that something was wrong with me, so it was even more stressful for him than it was for me (I was kind of out of my mind by then). They gave me more anesthesia, and I don't remember anything else from the surgery. When they brought me the baby I had very little interest in her, I was too tired and scared. They took me to post-op and let me rest, and my husband had to leave the baby with the nurses and go outside the hospital to take a walk and a breath, since the situation had been too overwhelming for him.
We've never understood why:
they would wait so long to perform a c-section when I was not dilating and going through extreme pain (sure I wanted a natural birth, but there was a time when I just wanted it to end as soon as possible).
they didn't mention that the c-section was a possibility if I did not manage to dilate enough, right until they took me to the operation room.
We had a consultation with the surgeon afterwards, and they did apologize that our birth had been so stressful for us and that the communication had not been the best. Our perception is that personnel in Norway are trained to be highly inclined towards a natural birth, which is great, but not when the mother is suffering that much. I've heard this story from other women, that they felt they were not listened to and that the health staff seemed to be focused on the baby (which of course they need to do, do not misunderstand me), but not so much on the birthing woman.
On top of that, the attention women receive after undergoing a surgery like this is little to none. During the stay at the hospital they tell you what you're supposed to do to take care of the scar and that you shouldn't carry any other weight apart from your baby, but nothing about the effect that the surgery is going to have on your muscles or how to recover. The only time they checked how I was doing was at the 6 week control, where they only took a look at how the scar had healed.
Not once during my pregnancy and postpartum did I hear the word 'pelvic floor' or 'diastasis'. Unfortunately I do suffer from a mild diastasis, and I've had to pay private professionals to help me recover from it. Two years later I’m still the same and have difficulty holding my daughter in my arms for longer than 2 minutes, so I recently went to a private gynecologist to get another physiotherapist referral.
My general feeling is that women are often ignored when it comes to having a baby and that the attention is mostly placed on the baby. They should not have to choose between one and the other.
María Leal
Fødte på Sykehuset Østfold Kalnes, mai 2019
